This post was written for Plethos Global's Discipling the Home blog.
My 8-month-old was wailing. Was she tired? Was she hungry?
Angry?
My two older kids were outside, screaming at each other
about who would blow bubbles next.
And I was working with my wife on meal prepping for the
week—which it felt like time was dragging.
I just wanted to escape. It was sensory overload for a busy
husband and dad that was grinding hard. All that energy could be used for fuel to do
something…more enjoyable. A nice cup of coffee, a good book, maybe some writing
sounded like something that the doctor ordered. The urge continued to build,
and I blurted out to my wife, “I want to do something fun! I just need to go
and do.” My heart was exposed at that moment. I was desperately seeking a reprieve from reality. This presents a crossroads
for this disciple-maker: Do I lean in and stay present in my home, or run
because I can’t handle it? Or to ask another way: Do I grow as a disciple of
ease, comfort, and escape, or do I grow in being a disciple of Jesus?
Too bad discipleship is not a call to build my life around
all things that I enjoy, gratify me, or steer me away from husband-and-dad life
all at once. What is discipleship though than the call to bring all of life
under the Lordship of Jesus Christ? Everything—vocation, our household
economics, entertainment choices, and even how I parent screaming kids—is
brought under the life-giving subjugation of the Spirit of God. And as husband
and dad, I help my family become disciples—and, hopefully, disciple-makers,
too.
Now, this is not an invitation to activate white-knuckle
willpower to trudge through circumstances. No, being a disciple is
acknowledging weakness and depending upon the Spirit’s power to move forward. And making disciples is
modeling for and being present with others. How do you do that though?
Specifically, against the threat of escapism? I think there are a handful of
things that can help you be grounded where you are at when the creeping desire
to disengage from family is present.
1. Acknowledge it. This
requires awareness in the midst of the noise. What is your body saying? How is
your chest reacting when tough stuff comes up in home? Where does your mind
wander to when you’re at home? This is an opportunity for us to grow in the
spiritual discipline of watching. We ask: What do our hearts
long for when tired and tempted?
2. Confess it. Model for your
wife and kids authenticity by confessing weakness and sinfulness. This does not
mean telling your kids, “I want to run away because of you.” The onus is on you,
right? It might sound more like, “Kids/wife, Daddy struggles, too.”
3. Be present. My role as
husband and dad (just like the role of pastor) is fixed at a real, physical
place in real human history. I am nowhere else but
where I am at right now. Being present at that moment means that God wants me
present at that moment. So when the stress of being present fuels the desire to
drive you away, give your wife and kids a hug instead. Be as engaged in
possible in the thick of being a husband or dad. This will give you even
greater license and credibility in your family as you lead them.
4. Spirit-dependance. What
does it look like to be a husband and dad that is surrounded by stressors? It looks
like embodying love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, and self-control. It starts though with crucifying that
specific part of us that doesn’t want the added pressure that comes with making
the home the first ministry. For me, it’s a love of
ease and comfort over all else. There is a part of me, Sanctified Tim,
that wants to be present with family for the long haul, even to the exclusion
of myself. It is that part of me—that Spirit-empowered me—that must drive nails
through the twisted longings of my fallen nature to keep it dead daily. In
other words, fighting against escapism is only possible when I am a
disciple of the consistent, long-suffering, gentle Jesus.
Do you have other tips and
tricks to push back on escaping the home? I would love to know your thoughts!
Share them below! Next time, we’ll look at the threat of abdication.
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